A tale of a broken body?

Part 1:

It’s funny how things align in life. If past experiences were not felt, how would significant life chapters end up? If you had not gone through a traumatic, character building experience, would that affect the outcome of how you handle another? If you’re a TikTok doom scroller like me, the sound byte, “Is this f*** play about us,” might pop into your head. 

I almost died. Those words are difficult to say. One doctor even said it was a miracle that I am still here, on this earth day. In July 2024 I was diagnosed with septic shock. What I thought was the flu or worse Covid, was in fact septic shock and my body shutting down against my will. To this day we never found out the root cause and just that it was an infection that almost ended my life. I was one of the lucky ones. I didn’t lose limbs. I have small, side effects, but nothing to where it impacts my life long-term (that we know about).

It all started with a backache. An ache so bad that I couldn’t sit in my office chair anymore and had to go home from work. The next day it grew worse, so much in fact, that I had to call in sick to work, which for my workaholic self was an extreme action to take. Over the weekend it became worse with nausea (and the fun things that are in that bag) and by Sunday it was time to go to the emergency room. 

My husband Sidney had made arrangements for his mom to watch our son and we would drop him off before heading to the hospital. I didn’t want to drag him to a waiting room for hours on end and also expose him to further germs. After getting him ready, Sid came into the room to help me get into the car and when I tried to look into his eyes I couldn’t. It was as if I was looking straight through him. There blur, fuzziness around him and no focus. A halo encompassed him and this is when I knew it might be time to call an ambulance. Sidney called 911 and an ambulance was sent right away. My one priority was to shield our son from the sight of his mother being wheeled away in a stretcher. He gave him his video games and then made sure he was to look away when they carried me out into the living room. The paramedics came in and put a line in me straight away. I heard their voices but couldn’t see them. I could hear septic, septic, but my mind over matter mentality thought well it can’t be that bad. Little did I know. As they loaded me in the ambulance I could only look up into the ceiling of the vehicle, faintly speaking. I heard the sirens go on and knew from my brother who is a paramedic that lights and sirens are never an ideal accompaniment for a ride to the hospital. I was swooped into the trauma bay and felt more or less fifteen faces on me, examining and analyzing exactly what I would need to stabile my health. In the surge of emotion and excitement getting there, I commented to Sid that he maybe should call my parents to let them know where I would be but tell them not to come. Just give them an overview of what’s happening. In my mind, just like in 2015, I would be out of there by Tuesday and back to work and I didn’t want to worry anyone.

In the crowd, I saw a familiar face, my friend Cheryl who is an ER nurse. She had a mask on but her calming eyes gave me reassurance that in some way, I would be okay. I did admittedly get a small twinge of irritation when they had to cut off my favourite sleeping shirt. It was an old firefighter shirt from Sid but I had juts broken it in. All of a sudden I had a line in my neck and was told I was going to the ICU. In my negotiations, I was attempting to mandate my stay until Tuesday because, you know I was that bad. That did not fly. I still did not grasp what was happening around me or to me. I heard septic shock, septic shock but it never did sink in I was on the brink of death and lifelong health repercussions. As I travelled through the big bay elevators to a new home in ICU for an unforeseen amount of time, all that I could think of was Dean. What would his life be like, how he was going to change the world and most of all, how I was going to miss those moments potentially.

What I learned from this experience? Positive perspective. If I had never experienced my health ordeal in 2015, I don’t think I would have truly been able to survive this in 2024 and beyond. What I also learnt from this experience; tell the people in your life each and every day, after each project, how much their support and love impacts your life. Recognize their efforts, tell them what their contribution to your life, professional or personal means to you. I thought that on the Wednesday of my stay in the ICU that was my last day here on earth and I would never be able to tell my circle, my loved ones what they meant to me. How their contribution, support and just presence in my life has impacted the person I am today and how it helped to shape my identity. 

Part 2: Coming soon…